A Discordian Cabal · KALLISTI

Hail Eris. Hail Onion.

We are a cabal of the Discordian Society, and we have tasted Chaos. It tastes like Sour Cream & Onion. This is not a metaphor. (It is also entirely a metaphor.) Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

Get Ordained → Read the Dogma
FoundedWhen the bag was opened
MembersAll of them (Popes)
DuesOne (1) chip
An illuminated manuscript page venerating a single potato chip beneath a golden halo.
The Revelation

In the beginning was the Bag.

Eris, Goddess of Discord, rolled a golden apple inscribed KALLISTI — "to the prettiest one" — and started a war among the gods. We have located the apple. It is shaped like a chip and it is dusted with the powder of revelation.

And She said: let there be a flavor that is two flavors fighting, the cool and the sharp, the cream and the bulb, the calm and the tears — and let mortals call it good, and reach for a second one before the first is finished. — The Snackronomicon, opening of the First Bag
The full dogma →
The Sacred Snacko

Two flavors. One eternal balance.

As the Discordians have the Sacred Chao, so we have the Sacred Snacko — the union of opposites that cannot exist apart and refuse to stop arguing.

Hodge

The Cream

The cool principle. Order, calm, the smooth white hush of dairy. It would like everyone to settle down. It is wrong, but soothingly.

Podge

The Onion

The sharp principle. Chaos, tang, the bulb that makes strong adults weep in kitchens. It interrupts. It is also correct, abrasively.

Neither is holy alone. The Cream without the Onion is a nap. The Onion without the Cream is an assault. Together: the perfect flavor of Chaos.

The Law of Fives is never wrong

Count the syllables. We dare you.

SOUR
one
CREAM
two
AND
three
ON
four
ION
five.

Five syllables. Five Crispmandments. Five seasons of the year. We did not plan this. Eris did.

Articles of (dis)belief

What the Cabal holds to be true. Mostly.

i

Eris is real

The Goddess of Chaos is the only deity with a sense of humor and a documented snack preference.

ii

The flavor is the message

Sour Cream & Onion is Chaos you can hold: order and disorder in one delicious crunch.

iii

You are a Pope

Every living being is a genuine, original, authorized Pope. Yes, you. Print the card.

iv

Greyface was wrong

The enemy of joy ate his chips plain, on purpose, and told everyone else to as well.

Testimonies of the Ordained

The faithful speak. With their mouths full.

I came for the chips and stayed for the cosmology. Now I am a Pope. My landlord is also a Pope. We have not told him.
— Pope Crunchwise the Tangy
I saw the fnord in the ingredients list. I cannot unsee it. 10/10, would be unsettled again.
— Pope Fnordmonger of the Crumbs
Joined as a joke. It is still a joke. It is also the most honest church I have ever attended. Hail Eris.
— Pope Baron von Snacks
The bag is open

Receive your Popehood.

It takes ten seconds, costs nothing, and ordains you a genuine Pope of the Cabal — with a card you can actually print. You were always going to do this.

Get Ordained → The Five Crispmandments