Frequently Doubted Questions
You have questions. Eris has shrugs.
Here are the doubts most often raised by postulants, skeptics, and people who arrived here by accident and stayed for the chips.
Yes. Also no. Also yes. Discordianism has been a sincere religion and an elaborate joke at the same time since 1957, and we see absolutely no reason to pick one. A church that admits it’s also a joke is arguably the only honest one.
No. We worship a flavor, not a corporation. The flavor predates the corporation. The flavor, we suspect, predates agriculture. No money changes hands here, and no brand has blessed (or sued) us. Yet.
It is exactly as binding as every other Popehood you can print at home — which is to say, spiritually total and legally adorable. Frame it. Do not file it with the IRS. Do not attempt to perform marriages, unless they’re fun.
It helps enormously. But Eris welcomes heretics, the lactose-intolerant, and people who claim they "don’t really do chips" (deeply suspicious, fully welcome). Bring your own sacrament.
If we explained it, you would start to see them everywhere, and a nameless low-grade anxiety would follow you through every grocery store forever. So instead we’ll just say: look at the back of the bag. … Oh. Too late. Welcome, Pope.
You already did, by reading this far. That is how cabals work. We must stick apart. Send us a postcard from your schism.
We’re making fun of taking anything too seriously — snacks first and most of all. If you find that some of it accidentally says something true, that’s between you and Eris. Per Crispmandment V, don’t believe us anyway.
There is no exit, because there was never an entrance, because you were always already a Pope. We checked for a back door. There isn’t one. There is, however, more dip.